Someone who has little definition around what their preferences are and are hence not showing up as communicating clearly and lovingly what works for them and what doesn’t carries a good amount of victim energy around with them.
Being clear and taking responsibility for what our boundaries are, what our preferences are, what our likes and dislikes are, generates a vibration of non-victimhood.
Yes, most of us have been deprived of feeling good and safe around creating such boundaries when we were little and have thus adopted a way of being where we ourselves often don’t even know where our boundaries are. And then we can get upset when others don’t seem to know what our boundaries are either and they violate them.
But can we really expect the universe to deliver us, people, into our lives that respect our boundaries when we don’t have any? When we don’t know what they are? Not really.
So we have to set out and do the very uncomfortable work of owning the fact that we might not have such good boundaries, especially in the areas of life where we are often hurt, disappointed and feeling let down.
Once we take ownership of that, we can go to the next step, which is to identify where we do get irritated, annoyed, impatient, or just downright angry with others. Pick one situation in your life where that happened recently. Consider it your golden ticket to a brand-new, empowering boundary.
Identify what boundary inside of you was missing, for that situation to arise in the first place. In other words, if you had a xyz boundary, would this event/situation that irritated you not have happened? This can be a challenging question, and it often leads to confusion. As our minds are so used to not even thinking of the possibility of there being a boundary missing. Our minds tend to do some double takes, get disoriented and scrambled when we ask that question.
Try to keep doing it anyway, until you can articulate a boundary, that if it was in place within your own being, this situation would not have arisen.
And then go about assessing, if this is simply a boundary you need to know about yourself and carry the energy of having it in place inside of yourself, or might you have to communicate anything to someone else.
If you feel uncomfortable doing this exercise, you are doing it the right way. We all have had our share of feeling deeply shamed and scolded for trying to assert our own boundaries when we were little. And it left a deep, burning mark on us. And we much rather avoid feeling that old burning sensation, than getting in touch with the fact that now as adults, we are missing a boundary.
This is how you shift out of feeling victimized by your partner, dates, friends, and family, to feeling deeply empowered and standing in your own truth.
You can literally scan through your life and pick any situation from your past where you were irritated/angry/impatient and ask yourself the question of what boundary of yours was missing. And then create that boundary first energetically inside of you, as if you are taking on a new identity. You are now someone who does not tolerate such a thing, or who does not go along with something they don’t want to do, etc. It is a shift in your identity.
And if you do this long and deep enough, your vibration will totally change, and you will start attracting totally different people into your life. People who are interested in who you truly are, people who want to create relationships with you that are based on weaving their and your preferences into a beautiful tapestry of love. But as with everything, you must go first. The universe will follow.
That is why the Rose has thorns.