When we enter into a relationship we enter sacred terrain. We are invited into the deepest layers of the other person’s being, although, neither people involved have any conscious awareness of that happening. And maybe would not agree to doing so, if they were aware of it to begin with.
At the beginning it usually looks more like smooth chocolate mousse with whipped cream, maybe some fireworks, a grand ball, who knows. The ghosts are not yet out of the closet. They are well packed away.
Over time though, these closet doors start to become less and less sturdy, and the ghosts are making some noises – grunting, howling maybe; it is getting eerie.
What was that? You might wonder. The screeching noises of the closet doors, the trapdoor leading into the attic, the hatch going down into the root-cellar, they are all starting to emit strange and stranger noises and it is becoming a more and more challenging endeavor to keep them quiet.
And then, one by one, uninvited, the ghosts start to join the nice, perfect little party you had with your new-found friend. And they start to make a mess of it.
Has that ever happened to you?
Have you ever wondered what the purpose of your significant relationship is (or will be or should be)? Maybe due to the ghost visitations you have decided that love is just made up nonsense, and will never work anyway. Maybe the ghosts have made such a mess of you or your partner or both, that you promised yourself to never ever go there again?
Or maybe you are just trying to keep things reasonably quiet, and are just holding your breath, hoping not too much damage will be done in the process.
Clearly, what no longer is trending, is the relationships that serves the purpose of the old-fashioned marriages; to promote status, financial advantages, increase survival chances, etc. etc.. We are no longer playing in that arena. We, the human race, have moved on, and we are now in an arena of becoming aware, of waking up to who we truly are, to what our potential is.
And so it makes total sense to me, that something as central as intimate relationships, would be a major tool and element in the process of transforming us so we can access our full potential. Accessing potential has a lot to do with clearing the home of ghosts.
Here is what I think. I think the purpose of relationships is for us to heal and to heal each other. Heal the epidemic of disconnect. Heal the places that got severely wounded which produce a whooping 50% divorce rate. I do not believe it is 50% because these were all badly matched couples. I believe they were all well matched, thoroughly triggered, and never healed couples.
The 50% who got a divorce were never able to reach each other in a way and in the places that needed loving the most. They didn’t know how. No one showed them. No one modeled it. And the 50% who stayed married – well, I have heard by those many scientist nerds, that most of them are not actually thriving and enjoying marriage either, most of them have found a way of hanging in there and making it work. How romantic and or healing is that?
When we enter a relationship, we are endowed with the sacred responsibility to assist the other person to move back into wholeness. Quite frankly, short of that, relationships only serve the purpose of either stalling each other (as in suppressing everything and holding your breath), or worse yet, of re-traumatizing each other.
When there are wounds, or shall we call them ghosts, they need attention. If we do not pay them the attention they need and demand, we are not able to move into wholeness, we are not able to live our full potential. We simply cannot. We can do positive thinking all day long, and alls that will happen is that a greater disconnect between our conscious mind and our unconscious mind will ensue, which is the very mechanism that blocks our potential.
The way we traumatize each other is by throwing salt into the already existing wounds. By doing a version of the same thing, that caused the wound in the first place. Without truly understanding each other’s needs and complexities, we can never even begin to hope to be able to heal each other.
Lets not do the re-traumatizing. Lets not create greater disconnect within ourselves and with others. Lets honor and tend to what is stored in the closets, basements and attics. Let’s let love in. And the word “lover” now has a whole new meaning. The lover needs to learn how to love ghosts. Sorry about that.
I know that sounds strange. But if we cannot love each other full heartily, then who is going to do it? And without love, these ghosts will remain ghosts and become more and more spooky. Do you know how to be loving towards a ghost?
There is an art and a science of how to connect and love deeply. In such a way that we do become each other’s healers, not re-traumatisers. Granted, you have to be willing to put in time and energy, and learn new things. New things about how to communicate, how to be with your emotions and those of others, and most of all, you have to learn about the amazing power of your own love. Most of us feel paralyzed in the face of our significant other’s ghosts. We feel there is no end to it, there is no means great enough to make even as much as a dent.
But that is not true. There is a method to resolving this madness. There really is. It can be done, it must be done and you can do it!
Do you know what your partner’s main wounds are? Does he/she know what yours are? I know this can sound daunting and overwhelming. But really, it is not. I am here for you. And I am fiercely committed to connecting deeply with you and assisting you in figuring this out.