I can’t stand the emotional abuse “spiritual and kind” people are dishing out to each other on a daily basis without having a clue. As if it was normal, as if it was ok to hurt each other and being completely oblivious about it.

I very much subscribe to the perspective that we still live in the Middle Ages when it comes to emotions. We are a bunch of uneducated, rude and cruel dodos when it comes to connecting emotionally. Yup. That is what I think, and that is what I experience, and that is what I am determined to change.

We all are endowed with the most beautiful and most powerful super tool anyone could ever ask for. The human heart. Yet, as a human race, we hardly have a glimpse on how to use that in the realm of emotional connection.

One moment spent in the presence of another person’s unconditional presence is worth a million years of therapy. Unconditional presence means, you are being in your heart and you connect with the other person where they are at. What I mean is to be truly connected with your own heart and being present with the other person, all judgments suspended, all good advice sealed up and locked away, all mentioning of how you were once there, or how your cousin went through the same thing. Just being present with them where ever they are at. No matter how stupid you think they are for feeling this way, or how ridiculous they are, or how unnecessary, or overreacting they are.

Being present means you are not hanging on to your own interpretations of what they are going through and your interpretation of what they truly need. It means being in the space of not knowing what the other person needs and giving them the reprieve of not being all-alone with their emotions. How do you know they are all alone with their emotions? I can tell you why. Hardly anyone knows how to be unconditionally present with someone who is in pain, agony, or God forbid, anger (don’t get me started on how readily people who feel angry are being shamed, rather than understood). No one knows how to relate with or be with emotion. Not even therapists. Oopsie. Sorry. But yes, that is my experience. Everyone is quick in trying to make “it” go away and avoid true connection at all cost.

Some people feel like they are doing you a service when throwing their “intuitive-hit” in your face, without ever humbly asking, whether that may feel true to you or not. Creepy, insensitive and self-absorbed shit is that.

The moment anyone is truly present with another human being, the emotions start to change. Even if it does not look like it. It may be that the shift takes place hours later; it may be that the person can redirect themselves much sooner than otherwise because their emotional body could regulate itself just a wee bit during those five minutes someone connected with them. If you have ever been unconditionally present with another human being who was experiencing emotional distress of any kind, you know of the miracles that take place right before your eyes.

Being present with someone means, they no longer are alone. Trust me, being with someone in the same room does not mean you are not alone. You can be in a room with 100 people and feel alone. Most people do. But it only takes one person to be present with you for you to feel deeply connected. And quite honestly, the only thing that constitutes true healing, is the moment of true connection. Healing of any kind takes place in the heart. Not in the intellect.

And as connection is THE primary need of the human being (yes, you can argue with me about that until the cows come home, and the only thing that will happen as a result of that will be that the cows will come home) – meeting that need changes EVERYTHING. REALLY FAST.

But only if you don’t need it to change; the moment you are being present with someone for the purpose of it changing, you are not being present. You are manipulating and pushing that person out of the space that they are in, rather than meeting them there, yet again. Another way of telling them that where they are at is not ok.

Are you one of these people who is afraid that you will be “stuck” with the other person’s emotional energy if you are present with them? I got news for you. You won’t. If you are in your heart, present, then the emotional energy of you and the person you are present with TRANSFORMS, it does not get stuck and it does not linger and it does not transfer. It truly is magical. And we have this “tool”, this gift, this super power right at our disposal. We could use it all day long to be present with people, but rather, we analyze, offer suggestions, avoid people who seem to have emotions all together, push them away, make them wrong, shame them or send them to see a professional. Ouch!!!!

How are you being with others who are in a moment of pain, anger, grief or anxiety? Do you try talking them out of it? Do you hand them a pill?

What I notice is that people find it truly daunting to deeply connect. They don’t know how, and are worried something will go wrong, or that they will miss the point. After all, how should they know; there probably weren’t too many roles models in their lives showing them how.

Connecting deeply is easy to learn. It is simple to do. It will change the dynamic of your relationship around like nothing else will. It is like eating a pill of love.

I lead people in my group programs and couples sessions and or immersions into states of deep connection, that they then later report has changed their relationship dynamics for good. It is so endlessly delicious and satisfying – probably so much so that you could reduce your sugar intake considerably. Just one of the many side effects.

If you want to create deep connection in your life, please reach out. Here is a link to my website where you can poke around and see what you like. I am here for you. And I am fiercely committed to connecting deeply with you. And in turn it fills me with much joy when leading couples and or groups into a state of deep connection.